The Most Lovely… …weblog about life and all it encompasses.

You’re The Most Lovely Man, Charlie Brown

When I was a little girl, one of the first things I would hear as I was greeting by my grandpa was, "Get over here and give me some sugar 'fore I lose my temper!" My grandpa loved me, and all of his grandchildren, immensely. I won't say he was a perfect man, because he had his prejudices, occasional harsh moments, and a general lack of a verbal filter in public that was both amusing and deeply embarrassing. I will say that he was a perfect grandpa. His name was Charles A. Brown, and he went by Charlie, so growing up I loved to brag that my grandpa was named "Charlie Brown, just like the comic strip." He liked to give us snacks and sweets whenever we were in his company, and that suited all his grandchildren just fine.  He had hilarious sayings, and no matter how many times he showed you, you would play along and squirm as he showed you "how to milk a rat" (which involved bending one of your fingers in a most uncomfortable way). The lessons he taught were those any grandpa should, and I am better for having him in my life. I know how to putt and drive in golf, how to fully relax and watch tv, how to properly eat peanuts, and  how to thoroughly confuse, amuse or distress a waiter/waitress all because of my grandpa.

There are lessons I learned from my experience with my grandpa, not through example, but because of his decline these past 7 years. While my experiences with him leading up do him getting dementia and Alzheimer's are the experiences and memories I will hold on to most preciously, the experiences after his diagnosis are the ones that affect my life in the most practical and deep ways. He passed away about a month and a half ago, and I am only now able to write about it without upsetting myself too much. Regardless of my Bachelor's degree in Psychology and having done research on Dementia and Alzheimer's, I still felt that for years and even on his deathbed he still recognized me in one way or another. I wish there was ever any way of knowing whether it was true, or if it was my hope and his good social show for coping with forgetting. For a lot of reasons I wish I could just know for sure if he truly recognized me, even if it wasn't completely consciously, and if he still felt that same fierce love for me. At the same time though, maybe it's better that I just take those good moments and memories from the past 7 year where I felt sure that he was still in there, recognizing me and loving me just the same - no matter if it was maybe assisted by my hopes or him trying to act appropriate for the social context. All I know is losing my mental faculties in age will be a devastating thing, indeed. I wish there was a way to guarantee that it will not happen to me or my loved ones again.

One thing is for sure though, my grandpa Charlie taught be one consistent lesson throughout my time with him, and he taught it in an amazing variety of ways: you have to live life with a full appreciation for it - treat yourself, love immensely and without letting up, enjoy your hobbies, break the rules every once in a while, embrace your talents, laughing is fun but making others laugh is what life is about, enjoy every memory and experience, and learn how to live in the now... one day you may not know much more than just that.

Yes, he taught me everything a good grandpa should. You'll be missed Charlie Brown.