Honesty: The Most Lovely Policy
Sometimes in life you need principles to follow, stand up for, and provide you guidance. As a very introverted and thoughtful youngster, I developed my set of principles at a pretty young age. I had many personal battles in figuring out my beliefs and their conflicts with my family's religious beliefs at the time. As a result I kind of formed my own idea of how I thought I should live my life outside of religion, which - at the time - was too much of an overwhelmingly complicated subject for me to base my lifestyle off of.
#1 Always be honest, and ask others to be honest with me... always. #2 Don't lie, steal, or cheat. #3 Help others as much as possible. #4 Don't hurt, injury, or kill others. ....and it goes on, et cetera et cetera....
My moral set has hardly changed or wavered since adolescence because it has never steered me wrong. However, there have been many times when I've forgotten my own values or compromised them for one reason or another. My most recent compromise was in dealing with a loved one's battle with an abusive relationship. Every resource out there tells people in dealing with loved ones involved in domestic violence situations that your job is to be supportive and not force your opinions on them. You are to let them know that you think it's an abusive situation and just let them deal with it how they may, at their own pace.
For years now I compromised my number one rule in dealing with others, honesty, in order to not seem non-supportive or unloving. I compromised rule three because she didn't want my help, she wanted to be left alone, and every resource out there tells you it's her life and you have to let her make her own decisions. I realize now that my values were never worth compromising. As selfish as it may be to tell her how I feel, she deserves the courtesy of knowing how everyone else sees her relationship and her decision-making skills.
"They" are right, though, I can't make decisions for her or give her ultimatums without alienating her, but I can help her as much as possible by telling her the truth, even if it hurts. She deserves to know the reality of her situation and how it's affecting every relationship in her life. I'm glad I finally found the clarity to realize compromising on my values never helps any situation for me, or anyone involved. I don't know what the backlash from this honesty will be or if she'll even care, but I can't base my values on hopes for someone else's willingness to accept them one day.
I said what I said out of love for her and the need to stay true to myself. I hope she can understand that.
November 11th, 2009 - 00:53
I am sure that she may not be happy with you right now but in the future she will thank you. She is beautiful, even though she may not see it now. She just needs people to tell her she is and that this guy is not worth all the physical and mental pain that he is causing.
Don’t worry… even if your words don’t mean that much at this moment on day they will.
You’re an amazing person and don’t ever doubt yourself or your morals!